Words Left Unsaid
by caskettandcoffee
Summary: After not speaking to each other for a month after an argument, Castle and Beckett have both been pondering the details of their relationship. They both know that they are more than just partners, but how will they find out that they both feel the same way?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Castle or any of the characters in this story. All rights go to ABC. :) **

December 2010

I hesitantly pressed the up arrow button on the elevator. The doors opened with a "bing" and I took a deep breath before stepping inside. Was I really doing this? I nervously tapped my foot while I waited to get to the fourth floor. It has been about a month since Castle and I have spoken. We had a stupid fight at the precinct and he said he needed a break from everything. What does that even mean? Castle and I aren't anything, we're just partners.

As the doors opened at the fourth floor, I walked down the hallway to Castle's loft. I've been standing here for only about 30 seconds with my hand in a fist, ready to knock on the door. I let out a sigh and finally knocked lightly. I heard someone walk towards the door.

"Oh, Katherine! How are you darling?" Martha exclaimed as she opened the door. "Richard is out right now, I'm not quite sure where he went. But you are welcome to come in."

"Thanks Martha, I actually have some paperwork to do at home, but let Castle know that I stopped by."

"Will do!" Martha replied with a smile.

I waved to her and guided myself out of the loft. Part of me longed to stay in Castle's loft to wait for him to come home. I shook my head, walked to the elevator and decided that maybe I could get some coffee before I got home. I'll probably be up late tonight, anyways.

As I walked down the busy street, I began to think of how much I missed Castle. It's been strange not having him cracking jokes or creating stupid theories that turn out not being stupid because they end up solving really difficult cases. I'm trying so hard to keep in everything I feel about him. Every feeling I get for him I deny, but deep down I know that he is slowly gaining a place in my heart. I know he could possibly feel the same way about me, but how could he fall in love with me? Things with my mom's case haven't been going great, and I feel like we're almost going backwards at this point with the investigation. That's why we got in a fight back at the precinct, I snapped at him. I just have too much baggage right now.

I stopped at the coffee shop that Castle usually gets our coffee from, hoping to see him.

"Mother, I think I may be having a mid life crisis." Castle piled all of the groceries he just bought onto the counter.

"Richard, honey, just relax. What is the problem?" Martha raised her eyebrows in concern.

"I think Beckett hates me."

"She sure doesn't, she stopped by about an hour ago looking for you. You might want to call her." She shrugged.

Castle tapped his foot in nervousness, deciding what to do. He just doesn't know where he stands with Beckett.

"I think I am going to go write. I don't want to call her just yet." Castle said walking to his office.

Who could he talk to about this besides his mother who has been drinking way too much wine tonight? He can't even talk to Esposito or Ryan, they can't find out about this. Castle thinks of talking to Alexis about his situation with Kate but she doesn't know, either. To be frank, Castle doesn't even know how he feels about Kate. What Castle does know, though, is that writing would clear his head.

Before sitting down in his chair, he decides to put on some music. He put his iPhone on shuffle play, not knowing what to expect. "Home" by Michael Bublè comes on and he smiles to himself.

Castle finally sits down, opens up his laptop and opens a new, blank document up. He decided that he would just start writing. It's something that he had never done before, but it could shed some light onto what and how he feels about Beckett.

He stops in his tracks when he hears the third verse of the song: "I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you, each one a line or two. 'I'm fine, baby, how are you?' I would send them but I know that it's just not enough, my words were cold and flat, and you deserve more than that." After hearing these words and feeling the emptiness in his heart, he knew what he had to do. If he wasn't going to tell Kate how he felt about her just yet, he could write it to her, but he would just save it to his computer and never let Kate see it.

Castle starts typing his first letter to Kate:

_**December 30, 2010**_

_Dear Beckett,_

_I know this seems cliché and corny, but just trust me on this one, okay? It's been __a month, __Kate. I'm sorry for making you angry with me and I'm sorry for not putting in an effort to try to fix this thing between us. I think we are both on the same boat here, at least I hope so. You and I needed a break, a break to figure out what we are and where we stand. What the hell are we? Are we more than just partners? I need you, Beckett. I will never stop standing by your side. Ever since we met a year and a half ago, you, your strength and your determination have intrigued me. Every day I come into the precinct to see you, not to do research for some new book that I have to meet a deadline for. I would do anything for you, Kate, and I don't know if you have realized that yet. That cup of coffee I bring you every single day is my way of telling you that I love you, but you would never know that. _

_Love, _

_Castle_

Castle stops typing and sighs at himself. He saves the document in the folder he has on his computer that is labeled "KB". That letter is probably the sappiest, corniest thing he has ever written, but it is also the truest. He glances up at the clock and it's just about 9 PM. Maybe it's not too late, he thought. Castle quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Beckett's number and looked at it, contemplating if he should do this.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Castle or any of the characters in this story. All rights go to ABC. :) **

_Maybe it's not too late, he thought. Castle quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Beckett's number and looked at it, contemplating if he should do this. _

(…)

**December 30, 2010**

I shuffled through the huge pile of paperwork that was sitting on my desk. I sat there for a few minutes, looking for something that would help me procrastinate. Wow, I never procrastinate. What the hell am I doing? The annoyingly catchy ringtone of my phone brought me out of my trance and when I saw who was calling, my heart practically fell to my stomach. I reached my hand out to pick up my phone and answer it, but I hesitated. I decided to pick it up anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Beckett…" Castle sounded really sad.

"Castle…I…"

"No, Kate. This was my fault, this was all my fault."

"Castle, I'm not going to argue with you about whose fault it was, but it definitely was not yours." I think the way I said this sounded a little harsh.

"I miss you," Castle let out a long sigh. "Is it okay if I come back to the Precinct on Monday?"

"Yeah, Castle. You can come back." I said with a small grin.

"Okay, see you bright and early on Monday…with coffee." Castle chuckled.

"Alright, Castle. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kate." With that, Castle hung up.

I started to feel kind of sleepy. This paperwork is definitely not getting done any time soon. I also noticed that I had butterflies in my stomach. Either I am completely falling for Castle, or my stomach is not agreeing with the leftover Chinese food I ate for dinner. I'm gonna go with the leftover Chinese food. Nope, I can't fall for Castle! It's _Castle, _I would never in a million years date him…right? My thoughts will not stop. I decided that the paperwork could get done sometime this weekend. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, for God's sake.

(…)

Castle got up and ran into the living room, where his mother was still drinking wine.

"Mother!"

"Richard, you mustn't scare me like that!" She said with wide eyes. "What happened, darling?"

"I talked to Beckett." Castle said with the biggest smile on his face. If he smiled any bigger his face might fall off.

"Well, that's wonderful, Richard." Martha said, smiling.

"What should I do, mother?" Castle sat down next to Martha on the couch.

"What do you think you should do?"

"I don't know. I really like her, but I am almost positive it's a one-sided thing. She doesn't feel the same way.

"Oh, don't be so negative, Richard. I've seen the look in her eyes when she's with you. She looks at you with so much love. I know I'm not one that has had luck with love, but I know love when I see it." Martha held her son's hand.

"Thank you, Mother. I think I know what I need to do now," Castle stood up. "But, first, I think I need to go get some sleep! Goodnight." He chuckled. That night, Castle didn't sleep much. He tossed and turned as his mind that was full of questions was going a mile a minute.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Castle or any of the characters in this story. All rights go to ABC. :) **

"_Thank you, Mother. I think I know what I need to do now," Castle stood up. "But, first, I think I need to go get some sleep! Goodnight." He chuckled. That night, Castle didn't sleep much. He tossed and turned as his mind that was full of questions was going a mile a minute. _

(…)

**December 31, 2010**

I awoke this morning thinking about Castle. I dreamt of him last night, and for some reason I don't regret it. It's freezing in my apartment, so I'm all bundled up in a robe and sweatpants. I really wish that I didn't have to get out of bed right now, but it's almost 11:30 A.M. Satisfied with my great nights sleep, I shuffled into my kitchen and decided to make myself some sunny-side up eggs and coffee…lots and lots of coffee. I got texts from Esposito and Ryan asking if I wanted to meet up with them tonight for some New Year's Eve festivities. I figured that would be kind of awkward because Ryan will be with Jenny and Espo will be with Lanie, so I'd basically be a fifth wheel. I told them thanks for inviting me, but I was going to stay in, order takeout and maybe invite my dad over. I found myself wondering what Castle would be doing tonight.

Of course my phone would ring as soon as I thought of him.

"Speak of the devil," I muttered before answering the phone. "Hi, Castle."

"Hello, Beckett!" He said cheerfully.

"Someone's awfully chipper today." I laughed into the phone.

"Kate, are you busy today?"

"Uhhh—no not really, what's up?" I responded, raising my eyebrows.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go get some coffee in a bit, just to…you know, re-cap on 2010." He chuckled.

"Yeah, that would be great, Castle." I found myself blushing a little.

"I can be at your place by 2?" Castle suggested, but it came out as more of a question.

I glanced at the clock; it was just about noon now.

"Alright, I'll see you then." I replied.

"See you in a little while, Beckett." You could practically hear the smile in Castle's voice. With that, he hung up the phone, leaving me to run around my house and try to get ready for this…date…or meeting? I don't even know. But, regardless, I'm all for it.

(…)

Castle glimpsed at the time shown on his iPhone. It read 1:30, which meant he had to leave to go meet Kate at her apartment. He quick checked his hair in the mirror again, and brushed his teeth an extra time before heading out into the living room to say goodbye to Alexis and his mother.

"I'm heading out! I should be home later."

"Where are you going, Dad?" Alexis asked, raising her eyebrows at a very excited, nervous-looking Castle.

"Oh, Richard! Are you going to meet Katherine? This is just exquisite!" Martha cooed.

Castle half rolled his eyes. "Yes, mother, I am going to meet Beckett for coffee," He kissed the two redheads on their cheeks. "I'll be back in a little while, alright?"

Alexis and Martha both waved to him, and proceeded to exchange excited looks between each other.

(…)

Before heading to Beckett's side of town, Castle stopped at her favorite flower shop and got her some flowers. After that, he made it to Beckett's apartment just in time, at 1:58. He walked up to her door and took a deep breath, fidgeting with the bouquet of flowers in his hands. He assured himself not to be nervous, because to him, this means something entirely different than what it means to Beckett. He frowned, but caught himself. Taking another deep breath, Castle knocked lightly on the door a few times.

"Hi, Castle!" Beckett opened the door, letting Castle into her apartment. She looked amazing.

"Hi, Beckett…you look great," Castle said, handing Beckett the flowers. "These are for you." He smiled.

Beckett looked down at the floor and blushed a little. "Thanks, Castle, these are beautiful…wow." She smiled and Castle could've sworn his heart was going to leap out of his chest.

"Shall we?" Castle said with a hand motion pointing to the door.

Beckett nodded and put the flowers into a vase. With that, the two walked to the elevator.

"So…are we going to our 'usual' place?" Beckett asked, looking up at Castle while they waited for the elevator.

"Yes! I haven't had coffee in days, actually, I think I might be going through withdrawals." Castle laughed.

(…)

Their journey to the coffee shop was only about a 10-minute walk, but Castle secretly wished that he could just walk around the city with Beckett forever. He felt so at peace whenever he was around her.

When they arrived, Castle held the door open for Beckett, and they both walked into the warm and inviting coffee shop. They sat themselves at a table towards the back of the place, so they could hear themselves talk over all of the hustle-and-bustle.

Castle and Beckett sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes reading the menu, even though they didn't really need to read it because every morning Castle gets Beckett the same coffee. He thought maybe she would switch it up a bit, but he found out she didn't as the barista came to take their order. Their coffees came back fairly quickly, and Castle and Beckett waited for them to cool down.

"So, what have you been up to the past few weeks, besides saving the world?" Castle said, with twinkling eyes.

"Ah, nothin' really, same old same old." Beckett smiled at him.

"I can't believe it's New Year's Eve. This year has gone by so fast, Beckett."

"Well, Castle, they always say…"

"Time flies when you're having fun!" Castle finished her sentence. Was she flirting with him? No, definitely not. Beckett was not flirting with him.

"Any big plans for tonight?" She asked.

Castle thought for a moment. Wow, he actually wasn't doing anything for New Year's. Alexis will be out with her friends, and his mother will be doing God-knows-what. He frowned when he noticed that he would be having the house to himself.

"I'm…actually not doing anything…" Castle trailed off.

"Me either." Beckett replied, looking down at her coffee.

"Would you want to come over to the loft and have dinner or something?" Castle asked her, looking into her eyes.

Beckett was about to say yes, but she realized that she would be lying to Epso and Ryan…oops. But, for some reason, Beckett loves the feeling of warmth and peace she has when she's around Castle. Dinner wouldn't hurt, would it?

"Of course, Castle. That would be great!" She answered, to his surprise.

"What time do you want to come over?"

"I could be at your loft by 6:30!" Beckett smiled, thinking of what she should wear.

"Sounds great!" Castle smiled.

The two talked for a little while and went back to their own homes to prepare for the night ahead of them.

(…)

Before starting to prepare everything for dinner, Castle sat down at his desk and opened up his laptop. He thought that maybe he should write another letter to Kate. That is, a letter that Kate will never read as it will be kept in a secret folder on his laptop.

**December 31, 2010**

_Dear Beckett, _

_We just had coffee together. It was amazing. You know what else is amazing? You're coming over tonight for dinner, and it's New Year's Eve! I couldn't be more excited right now and I have our whole dinner planned out. I'm making spaghetti and meatballs (it's the best cooking I can do) and I bought some red wine. To me, this is a date, but to you I'm not quite sure if it is? Okay, I am so hyper right now. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you how much I love being around you. Today, I noticed that whenever I am with you, I just feel this overwhelming sense of joy and peacefulness. I hope that feeling stays, and I hope someday you feel that around me too. _

_See you in a few hours._

_Love,  
Castle_


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Castle or any of the characters in this story. All rights go to ABC. :) **

**A/N:** Hi guys! I just wanted to apologize for the long wait for this chapter! I've been quite busy and I've put a lot of thought into this chapter. I was going to split it up into two chapters but I'll make it all one chapter so it's extra long! I also wanted to know if you guys think I'm making Castle too out of character in the letters he writes to Beckett. Let me know what you think, leave me a review.

Thank you for your lovely comments and continued support, I appreciate all of it!

Much love! Xx

**December 31, 2010**

(…)

Castle closed his laptop and shuffled into the kitchen to start making dinner for him and Beckett. He decided to make spaghetti and meatballs. There was no way he could screw up cooking this.

(…)

I was trying to find an outfit to wear for at least 20 minutes, when I finally decided on one.

"Finally, something that actually looks good." I mumbled to myself.

I picked out a pair of dark-wash jeans, my favorite charcoal grey sweater, a pair of black ankle booties and my usual trench coat. I made sure to re-apply some mascara and a little bit of lipstick before I left.

I locked the door to my apartment and made my way downstairs, eventually going out into the cold winter air. I shivered as I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep them warm, but pulled one hand out to wave down a taxi. As soon as I got into the warm taxi, I gave the driver Castle's address.

I got out of the taxi and went right into Castle's building, pushing the "UP" button on the elevator. The nerves started to set in when I got into the elevator. I took some deep breaths and composed myself before I reached Castle's floor. I walked down the hall to his loft and knocked on the door.

"Hey," Castle opened the door with a smile on his face. "You look great."

"Thanks, Castle." I laughed and blushed slightly as I stepped into his loft, closing the door behind me.

"Want me to take your jacket?" He motioned to the closet.

"Sure, thanks." I handed it to him. "Wow, whatever you're cooking smells amazing, Castle."

"Ah, yes, my famous spaghetti and meatballs." Castle chuckled, walking back into the kitchen.

"Do you want some wine?" He asked, pulling out two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine.

"Of course!" I laughed, sitting down on one of the bar stools at the island in the kitchen.

Castle's meatballs weren't going to be finished cooking for another 15 minutes, so he stood across the kitchen island from me.

"Castle, this wine is incredible." I laughed and took another sip.

"I know, it's honestly my favorite." He enthused. "I just noticed I forgot to make the pasta…oops."

"I can make it!" I stood up from my seat.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I absolutely love to cook, I just never have the time for it." I laughed while Castle got out everything I needed to cook the pasta.

After another 15 minutes of cooking, Castle drained the pasta and I set the table for the two of us, also bringing our wine glasses over to the table.

"Voila!" Castle yelled, and set down our plates.

"Someone's excited!" I laughed.

This all felt so domesticated to me for some reason. It also reminded me of my mom; I'd help her cook dinner while she drank wine, and I of course snuck some sips of it.

(…)

"Castle, I must say you are a pretty good cook," Beckett gushed. "These are the best spaghetti and meatballs I have ever had." She practically moaned, and I almost fell out of my chair.

"Really? Alexis likes them too, but I don't think they're anything special."

"That's probably just because you're the one that makes them. Speaking of Alexis, how is she doing?" Beckett looked into his eyes.

"She's been alright," Castle looked down. "All of the drama that has happened with Meredith has taken a big toll on her. She just comes home from school and isolates herself in her room; it's starting to worry me. After Meredith and I went through with the divorce a few years back, she's decided to come around whenever she wants. For God's sake she practically forgot about Alexis's birthday." He frowned.

"I'm so sorry, Castle." Beckett's heart sank.

"No, don't be sorry. I just don't know what could make Alexis feel better. Meredith is never there for her, and of course she has my mother as a mother-figure in her life, but she's not there all the time either." Castle sighed.

"I know it might not be my place, but Alexis can come to me for anything. I'm not that close to her, but please give her my phone number and tell her never to hesitate if she needs to talk to someone." Beckett looked into Castle's eyes, truly meaning what she said.

Castle has never heard something that meaningful come out of Beckett's mouth. He's known her for almost two years, but they've never talked on this personal of a level before.

"Beckett—" Castle was at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I shouldn't have—"

"No, no. Thank you." He reached across the table and put his hand on top of hers, feeling her tense up a little.

"I know what it's like," Beckett paused and took a deep breath, Castle's hand still on top of hers. "To not have a woman-figure in your life. When my mom died, I just completely lost it." She took Castle's hand into hers.

"Can you tell me more about your mom? If you don't want to it's alright." Castle was really curious about her mother and how she was murdered because Beckett never talks about it.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, and Castle started to panic. He didn't mean to make her mad.

"I was 19. My dad and I were going to meet her for dinner, and she never showed up. A few hours later they sent a detective to our house to tell us that she was murdered," She wiped a tear from her eye with the hand that wasn't clutching onto Castle's. "I was a mess, Castle. She was stabbed to death in an alley, and left to die. I didn't know what to do and who to turn to. My dad decided to turn to alcohol, and has had trouble sobering up ever since. I've been trying to find the bastard that killed her, and it seems like I'm going backwards at this point. Before we met, they stopped the investigation, so I've been continuing it by myself in my apartment."

"Come here." Castle stood up, with his arms out.

Beckett got up and walked over to him, sobbing into his chest.

"If you let me, I will do everything in my power to help you find whoever killed her. I care about you so much, Kate." Castle whispered into her ear, while she was still bawling uncontrollably.

"Castle, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to break down like this. I never talk to anyone about what happened I'm so sorr—" Beckett was stopped by Castle picking her up and putting her onto the couch, holding her in his lap.

(…)

I sniffled, clutching onto Castle's arm. God, I'm a mess. I don't know how this happened; I tried so fucking hard to keep myself composed.

"You're gonna get through this, Kate. Trust me, and I'll be there with you every step of the damn way. That's what partners are for." Castle's voice cracked, and I looked up at him, his eyes watering.

I feel terrible for not telling him about all of this. All that he knows is that my mother passed away. He didn't know she was murdered. Nobody in the precinct ever talked about it, after I was pulled out of the case 3 years ago, which then eventually went unsolved.

"I should've told you earlier Castle, I'm so sorry." I started to tear up again, as Castle pulled my head to lean on his chest.

"Kate, look at me."

"Don't apologize to me for that. I would never in a million years get angry at you for not telling me about this." He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I lifted my head up off of his chest…oops. I got mascara all over his shirt.

"Castle I got mascara on your shirt…" I giggled through my sniffles.

"Ah, no biggie." He laughed with me, and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a white undershirt. His biceps were so toned. I tried to re-compose myself, taking a deep breath.

"We should probably clean up." I motioned to the kitchen table that still had plates on it, while getting up off the couch.

"No, let me." Castle put his hand on my knee, which caused me to flinch, but thankfully he didn't notice. Before I could protest, he stood up, got my glass of wine from the table and brought it over to me.

"Thanks, Castle." I blushed. "But next time, I'll be cleaning up!" I called to him as he walked into the kitchen. Did I just say 'next time'? Oops. I mean, I guess this is sort-of a date?

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." Castle smirked.

I was lonely by myself on the couch, so I went into the kitchen and watched Castle tidy up while sitting at the island. God, he was attractive. I glanced at the clock and it was already 10 PM. I probably should get home before it's officially 2011. Traffic gets crazy after midnight in the city on New Years Eve and I probably won't be able to get a taxi.

"So…" Castle was finished cleaning.

"I better get home, Castle." I frowned. I didn't want to leave.

"Are you sure? We could watch a movie or something, or watch that dumb New Year's Eve countdown." He laughed.

"I would, but I think all of the taxi's are gonna be busy." I looked down at the floor.

"I could call my driver to get you, or I could even drive you home." He suggested.

"Okay, but only if you want. Are you sure?"

"Of course I am! Come on." Castle smiled and motioned to the couch.

We decided to watch that "dumb" countdown, which I didn't mind. Castle and I made small talk through the whole thing. We were surprisingly sitting pretty far away from each other, opposed to an hour ago when I was in his arms. I tried not to think too much into it, because he was just trying to comfort me. He's not "into" me. At least I don't think he is.

"1 minute until 2011!" Castle yelled like a complete goofball. I yelled back in reply.

Castle moved closer to me on the couch, and the next 50 seconds seemed to go by like hours.

"10…9…8…7…6…5…" Castle held onto my hand. Oh. My. God. "4…3…2…1!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Castle and I both yelled. We both stood up and hugged; neither of us pulled away from the hug. I stood there in Castle's arms, surprisingly thinking that I wouldn't want to ring in the New Year with anyone else. We stood there hugging in silence, for about a minute, until Castle looked down at me, smiling.

"What?" I smiled.

"Nothing." Castle gazed into my eyes, with the biggest smile plastered on his face. I secretly didn't want to go home, so I decided not to say anything about Castle taking me home soon, praying he would forget.

We stood there for a little while longer, in complete silence. It was so peaceful…until Castle decided to ruin the moment, of course.

Startling me, Castle swept me off my feet and held me wedding-style in his arms. "Castle! Put me down!" I laugh-yelled, kicking my feet.

He plopped us back onto the couch and we sat there and talked until he got up to put a movie in. I had no clue what movie it was, but I didn't care because I was with him. Castle and I sat side by side on the couch, sipping wine, and I truly haven't felt this at peace in so long.

(…)

Beckett and Castle have been quiet throughout the whole movie, exchanging looks with each other. The loft was dark, with the TV illuminating the room. Castle feels like he's really starting to like Beckett. He doesn't really know what they are, but right now, this is all right.

After daydreaming for a few minutes, he looked at Beckett and she was fast asleep. Castle really didn't want her to leave. He was getting tired himself, but obviously she wouldn't want to sleep in the same bed as Castle, so he decided he'd sleep on the couch, and Beckett can sleep in his bed. He just has to get her there without waking her.

He got up from the couch, quietly scooped Beckett up into his arms, and tiptoed into his bedroom and set her down on his bed carefully. Castle put the covers over Beckett, which might have woken her a bit.

"Cassle?" She mumbled in her sleep.

"Shh, no, no Beckett. Go back to sleep." Castle smiled at her, wishing he could just stay in bed with her. He left the room, quietly closing the door behind him and made his way to the couch to sleep.


End file.
